When Christianity Becomes a Lifestyle Instead of a Life Surrendered
7 Signs Your Faith May Be More Cultural Than Transformational
There is a phrase that has been running through my mind lately that I cannot seem to shake:
I never want to become a “Country Club Christian.”
And I do not mean someone who literally belongs to a country club.
In fact, my husband and I are members of a Country Club here in Chattanooga.
What I mean is something much more subtle.
And honestly, much more dangerous.
I mean the kind of Christianity that becomes part of our lifestyle without becoming the Lordship of our lives.
We can attend church.
We can go to Christian marriage retreats.
We can have Christian friends.
We can listen to Christian podcasts.
We can read our Bibles.
We can pray before dinner.
We can know all the worship songs.
We can serve in ministry.
We can even be leaders in Christian spaces.
And still quietly resist Jesus in the places He is asking us to surrender.
That was the conviction that began rising in me recently.
At first, I was noticing inconsistencies in other Christians.
I was watching behavior that felt completely disconnected from the way of Jesus.
Drunkenness.
Crude speech.
Inappropriate joking.
Men talking about women in degrading or misogynistic ways.
Language and behavior that left me thinking:
How do we say we follow Jesus and then act like this?
And if I am being truthful, some of what I felt was disgust.
I remember thinking:
I never want to be that kind of Christian.
But then the Holy Spirit did what He so often does.
He turned the mirror around.
And suddenly the question was no longer:
“How can they call themselves Christians and behave this way?”
The question became:
“Danielle, where are you professing Jesus while resisting Him?”
That question changed everything.
Because there is a very real danger in cultural Christianity.
But there is also a danger in becoming self-righteous toward cultural Christians.
I can be right about someone else’s behavior and still respond to them in a way that does not resemble Jesus.
And that is exactly where the Lord began meeting me.
Around the same time, my chronological Bible reading took me through Acts 21:37–40, Acts 22, and Acts 23.
And I could not miss the connection.
Paul was surrounded by deeply religious people.
People who knew Scripture.
People who believed in God.
People who were zealous.
People who were convinced they were defending truth.
And yet some of them were actively resisting the work of God happening right in front of them.
That is a sobering reality.
Because it means religious activity and spiritual surrender are not always the same thing.
So how do we know when our faith is becoming cultural rather than transformational?
Here are seven signs worth prayerfully examining…
1. We Are More Concerned With Being Identified as Christian Than Becoming Like Christ
There is nothing wrong with Christian culture.
Church is good.
Christian community is good.
Bible studies are good.
Marriage ministries are good.
Retreats are good.
Christian podcasts are good.
I have built much of my own work around helping people grow through Christian teaching and discipleship.
But none of those things automatically mean we are becoming more like Jesus.
That is the part we cannot miss.
We can be surrounded by Christian things and still resist Christ Himself.
Paul is such a powerful example of this.
Before his Damascus Road encounter, he was not spiritually indifferent.
He was deeply religious.
In Acts 22, Paul describes himself as highly trained, zealous for God, and committed to defending what he believed was true.
And yet he was persecuting followers of Jesus.
Paul had religion.
He had knowledge.
He had conviction.
He had community.
He had identity.
But he still needed to encounter Jesus in a way that changed the direction of his life.
That is what discipleship does.
It changes direction.
The question is not simply:
Do I call myself a Christian?
The better question is:
Is following Jesus actually changing the way I live?
Christianity was never meant to become an accessory to the life we already chose.
Jesus did not say:
“Add Me to your life.”
He said:
“Follow Me.”
That requires surrender.
2. We Excuse Behavior Scripture Asks Us to Surrender
This is where things can become uncomfortable.
Because one of the easiest ways to drift into cultural Christianity is to normalize what everyone around us normalizes.
If everyone drinks excessively, maybe it stops bothering us.
If everyone gossips, maybe gossip just becomes conversation.
If everyone talks crudely, maybe we begin laughing too.
If the men around us regularly objectify women, maybe we shrug and say:
“That’s just how guys talk.”
But Scripture does not ask us to measure ourselves against our culture.
It asks us to measure our lives against Christ.
Galatians 5 describes the fruit of the Spirit:
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-control.
Ephesians 5 warns against drunkenness.
James 3 takes the power of our words seriously.
Jesus teaches that what comes out of our mouths reveals something happening within our hearts.
So yes, behavior matters.
But we also need to be careful here.
The question is not whether Christians ever sin.
We do.
I do.
You do.
The question is:
Have I made peace with something Jesus is asking me to surrender?
That is different.
There is a difference between falling into sin and defending sin.
There is a difference between struggling and refusing conviction.
There is a difference between weakness and entitlement.
And that brings us to the next sign.
3. Conviction Makes Us Defensive Instead of Repentant
This may be one of the most important spiritual diagnostics we can use.
Not:
Do I ever sin?
But:
What happens when my sin is exposed?
What happens when the Holy Spirit convicts me?
What happens when Scripture confronts something I have been doing?
What happens when my spouse says:
“That really hurt me.”
What happens when a friend lovingly says:
“I don’t think that was okay.”
Do I become defensive?
Do I minimize?
Do I deflect?
Do I say:
“Everybody does it.”
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“Don’t judge me.”
“That’s just how I am.”
“I was just kidding.”
Or do I pause and ask:
“Lord, is there something here You want me to see?”
I have been thinking about this statement a lot:
The evidence of discipleship is not sinlessness. It is responsiveness to conviction.
A disciple can still fail.
A disciple can still have blind spots.
A disciple can still say something harmful.
A disciple can still fall into old patterns.
But a disciple remains teachable.
Repentance is not shame.
Repentance is the grace of realizing:
I was walking the wrong direction, and Jesus is inviting me to turn around.
4. We Examine Everyone Else’s Fruit More Closely Than Our Own
This is where the Lord really began dealing with me.
Because my initial concern about what I was witnessing was not necessarily wrong.
Some behavior genuinely does not reflect the character of Christ.
But I began to realize that discernment can quietly mutate into spiritual superiority.
Jesus addresses this beautifully in Luke 18.
Two men go to the temple to pray.
One is a Pharisee.
One is a tax collector.
The Pharisee’s prayer is essentially:
God, thank You that I am not like those people.
That posture should stop all of us.
Because it is very easy to say:
“I would never do that.”
“I cannot believe they act that way.”
“What kind of Christian behaves like that?”
And never notice what is happening inside our own hearts while we say it.
Here is the distinction I have been sitting with:
Discernment looks at fruit. Pride looks at fruit and uses it to establish rank.
Discernment says:
“That behavior is unhealthy.”
Self-righteousness says:
“And I am better than that person.”
Discernment grieves.
Self-righteousness despises.
Discernment asks:
“What is mine to do?”
Self-righteousness asks:
“How can they not see how awful they are?”
And perhaps the most convicting truth of all is this:
I can correctly discern that someone’s behavior does not resemble Jesus and still respond to that person in a way that does not resemble Jesus.
Acts 23 gives us a powerful picture of this.
Paul is treated unjustly before the Sanhedrin.
The high priest orders him struck.
Paul responds strongly.
Then when Paul realizes who he is speaking to, Paul corrects his own conduct.
The injustice did not suddenly become acceptable.
But Paul was still willing to examine his own response.
That is maturity.
The question is not merely:
Was I right about them?
The question is also:
Was I Christlike in the way I responded?
Discernment vs. Self-Righteousness
| Discernment | Self-Righteousness |
| “That behavior is unhealthy.” | “I am better than that person.” |
| Grieves over sin. | Feels superior because of sin. |
| Examines Scripture. | Constantly examines other people. |
| Sets boundaries when needed. | Punishes or humiliates. |
| Leaves room for repentance. | Defines someone by their worst behavior. |
| Asks, “What is mine to do?” | Asks, “How do I make them change?” |
That table alone has been helpful for me. Because discernment is necessary. Contempt is not.
5. Our Christian Community Becomes the Standard Instead of Jesus
Every community develops a culture.
Church culture.
Family culture.
Regional culture.
Political culture.
Ministry culture.
Social culture.
Economic culture.
And eventually something subtle can happen.
Instead of asking:
“What does Jesus say?”
We begin asking:
“What do people like us do?”
That is dangerous.
Acts 22 gives us a vivid example of this.
Paul’s audience listens to much of his testimony.
But when he tells them that God sent him to the Gentiles, everything erupts.
Why?
Because God’s mission collided with their established categories.
They could tolerate Paul up to a point.
But then the work of God challenged the boundaries of their religious culture.
And I wonder how often we do the same thing.
We may not say it out loud, but we can begin to believe:
“This is how Christians like us vote.”
“This is how Christians like us parent.”
“This is how Christians like us drink.”
“This is how Christians like us spend money.”
“This is how Christians like us talk.”
“This is how Christians like us dress.”
“This is how Christians like us worship.”
And slowly the standard becomes the group.
Not Jesus.
But Jesus will eventually challenge every culture we belong to.
Including mine.
Including yours.
Following Him means allowing Scripture and the Holy Spirit to confront what feels normal to us.
6. We Want Jesus as Savior but Resist Him as Lord
Many of us love the comfort of Jesus as Savior.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Mercy.
Eternal life.
Hope.
But Lordship asks something more.
Lordship means Jesus gets to tell us no.
Jesus gets to interrupt us.
Jesus gets to redirect us.
Jesus gets to ask us to forgive.
Jesus gets to tell us to apologize.
Jesus gets to tell us to stop.
Jesus gets to tell us to speak.
Jesus gets to tell us to stay.
Jesus gets to tell us to leave.
Jesus gets access to our relationships.
Our bodies.
Our habits.
Our money.
Our sexuality.
Our speech.
Our ambitions.
Our resentment.
Our pride.
Our plans.
Everything.
A cultural Christianity asks:
“How much of Jesus fits into the life I want?”
Discipleship asks:
“Jesus, what do You want to do with my life?”
Those are very different questions.
And one of them requires surrender.
7. We Stop Expecting Jesus to Change Us
One of the saddest forms of Christianity is a faith that no longer expects transformation.
We simply settle into:
“This is who I am.”
“I have always been this way.”
“That is just my personality.”
“Everyone struggles.”
And yes, sanctification takes time.
Yes, grace is patient.
Yes, transformation is often slow.
But Jesus loves us too much to leave us completely untouched.
Acts 23:11 contains one of my favorite moments in this whole section of Scripture.
Paul has been misunderstood.
Attacked.
Threatened.
Dragged into conflict.
Religious people are fighting around him.
Everything is chaotic.
And Scripture tells us:
“The Lord stood near Paul.”
I love that.
Because transformation is not simply Jesus shouting correction from far away.
He comes near.
He stays near.
He convicts us in relationship.
He strengthens us.
He redirects us.
He gives us courage.
This is not behavior modification.
This is intimacy with Jesus producing change over time.
The goal is not:
“I behave better than those people.”
The goal is:
“Jesus, make me look more like You.”
Before You Think About Someone Else, Ask Yourself These Questions
This may be the most important part of this entire conversation.
Do not answer these questions for your husband.
Do not answer them for your friend.
Do not answer them for someone at church.
Do not answer them for the Christian who frustrates you.
Sit with Jesus and answer them for yourself.
- Where is there currently a gap between what I profess and what I practice?
- Is there any behavior I have normalized because the people around me normalize it?
- How do I respond when someone corrects me?
- Is there an area where I already know what Scripture says but continue explaining it away?
- Am I more concerned with appearing Christian or becoming like Jesus?
- Is there someone whose sin I have begun to view with contempt?
- Where might discernment be turning into self-righteousness?
- What is Jesus asking me to surrender right now?
- Where am I wanting Jesus as Savior while resisting Him as Lord?
- What would following Jesus actually look like today?
Sit with those.
Not in condemnation.
In conviction.
There is a difference.
Condemnation says:
“You are hopeless.”
Conviction says:
“Come closer. I want to free you from this.”
That is the invitation.
Maybe the Better Question Is Not “Am I a Christian?”
Maybe today the better question is:
“Am I following Jesus?”
Not perfectly.
But willingly.
Repentantly.
Surrendered.
Teachable.
When He exposes something in me that does not look like Him, am I willing to stop defending it?
Am I willing to repent?
Am I willing to follow Him somewhere new?
I do not want to become better at looking Christian.
I want to become more like Christ.
And maybe that is the prayer for all of us.
Listen to Episode 124
In Episode 124 of The Happy Family Coach Podcast, I go deeper into Acts 21–23, the conviction behind this idea of “Country Club Christianity,” the difference between discernment and self-righteousness, and what it actually looks like to follow Jesus in everyday life.
Episode 124: Are We Christians—or Are We Actually Following Jesus?
When Christianity Becomes a Lifestyle Instead of a Life Surrendered
Listen to the full episode below.
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If you are navigating unhealthy family dynamics, church hurt, spiritual abuse, codependency, difficult relationships, marriage struggles, generational patterns, identity confusion, resentment, boundaries, or simply a season where God is inviting you into deeper surrender, I would be honored to walk alongside you.
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With hope and gratitude,
