The Lie Beneath the Reaction: How Hidden Beliefs Shape Your Emotions, Triggers, and Relationships
There’s a photo at the top of this post that means more to me than you might realize.
It was taken on a hike with one of my dearest friends, Melissa.
We were sitting on the edge of a cliff, looking out over miles of quiet beauty—trees stretching endlessly, the river winding below, everything calm… everything still.
But what you can’t see in that moment…is everything we were carrying.
We were both walking through hard things—just in different ways.
Melissa was in a season of deep anxiety and depression… the kind that feels heavy, disorienting, and hard to put into words. And I was coming out of a season of spiritual abuse—trying to untangle what was true, what wasn’t, and how to trust again.
From the outside, it looked peaceful.
But internally…there was so much noise.
I remember feeling this gentle nudge from the Lord to invite Melissa into something that had always been life-giving for me—being outside, hiking, stepping away from the noise and into His creation.
Not as a quick fix.
Not as a cure.
But as a space.
A space to breathe.
A space to slow down.
A space to begin noticing what was happening beneath the surface.
As we walked those trails together, something sacred began to unfold.
We weren’t just talking—we were paying attention.
To the thoughts that kept looping.
To the emotions that felt overwhelming.
To the beliefs quietly shaping how we were experiencing everything.
We began practicing what Scripture calls taking thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Not in a forced, performative way…
but gently.
Honestly.
Bringing what was in the dark into the light.
And while I was walking with her…
the Lord was ministering to me too.
He was revealing places where I had believed things that weren’t true—about Him, about myself, about what had happened.
Things I didn’t even realize I was holding onto…
because they felt so normal.
And that’s the part I don’t want you to miss.
Because what the Lord was showing me on those trails…
is the same thing I see over and over again in the counseling room.
There are moments when your reaction surprises you.
You snap faster than you wanted to.
You shut down when you meant to stay present.
You feel overwhelmed by something that “shouldn’t” feel so big.
And afterward, you think:
Why do I keep reacting this way?
If you’ve ever asked that question…you’re not alone.
But what if the answer isn’t found in trying harder to control your reactions?
What if the real issue is something deeper—something quieter—something you’ve never stopped to question?
Because sometimes…
the reason we keep reacting the same way…
feeling the same emotions…
staying stuck in the same patterns…
isn’t because we’re not trying hard enough.
It’s because we’re living from beliefs…
we’ve never stopped to question.
The Truth We Often Miss
In The Bible, Isaiah 44 gives us a striking picture of deception.
A man cuts down a tree.
He uses part of it to warm himself…
and the other part he carves into a god—and bows down to it.
Then Scripture says:
“He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray…
and he cannot say, ‘Is there not a lie in my right hand?’” (Isaiah 44:20)
This man wasn’t unintelligent.
He was deceived.
And the most dangerous deception…
is the one that feels normal.
You’re Not Just Reacting—You’re Believing
We often focus on our reactions:
- “I need to be more patient”
- “I need to stop overreacting”
- “I need to communicate better”
But your reactions are not random.
They are being shaped by what you believe is true.
At the core of every emotional response is a belief—often hidden, often unexamined.
💡 A Simple (But Powerful) Framework
In my work with families and individuals, I teach this pathway:
Thoughts → Emotions → Reactions → Patterns → Culture
Your thoughts—your beliefs—are the starting point.
If those beliefs are rooted in lies…
everything downstream will reflect that.
The Lie Beneath The Reaction
Let’s make this practical.
Here are a few common examples I see in the counseling room:
😰 Lie: “I’m not safe.”
What it produces:
- Anxiety
- Control
- Hypervigilance
You may find yourself constantly trying to manage people, outcomes, or environments—because deep down, you don’t feel secure.
😔 Lie: “I’m not enough.”
What it produces:
- Perfectionism
- Overworking
- People-pleasing
You’re not just striving—you’re trying to prove your worth.
💔 Lie: “I’ll be rejected if I don’t perform.”
What it produces:
- Over-giving
- Fear of disappointing others
- Difficulty setting boundaries
You become who others need you to be… but lose yourself in the process.
😡 Lie: “I have to protect myself.”
What it produces:
- Defensiveness
- Anger
- Blame
You react quickly—not because you want to hurt others, but because you’re trying to shield yourself.
🧊 Lie: “No one will come through for me.”
What it produces:
- Emotional shutdown
- Independence
- Avoidance of vulnerability
You stop relying on others—and sometimes even struggle to trust God.
How This Shows Up In Your Patterns
In the Happy Kid Toolkit, I teach something called the Unhappy Kid Triangle.
It describes three common ways we respond when we’re operating from unhealthy beliefs:
- Helpless Baby → “I can’t… someone fix this for me”
- Bossy Helper → “I’ll control this… I’ll make it better”
- Blaming Bully → “This is your fault… I need to protect myself”
These roles aren’t random.
They are rooted in beliefs.
If we don’t address the belief…
we will keep cycling through the pattern.
Why We Don’t See The Lie
This is the hardest part.
Isaiah says:
“He cannot say, ‘Is there not a lie in my right hand?’”
Not because he didn’t want to…But because it felt normal.
🧠 What Research Tells Us
Modern neuroscience confirms what Scripture has been showing us all along:
Our brains create neural pathways based on repeated thoughts.
The more a thought is repeated, the more automatic it becomes.
Over time, what we’ve rehearsed begins to feel like truth.
So the belief you’ve been living from for years…
won’t feel like a lie.
It will feel like reality.
How Transformation Actually Happens
This is where hope comes in.
In The Bible, we’re told:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
Transformation doesn’t start with behavior.
It starts with truth.
💛 A Gentle Shift
You don’t need to try harder.
You need to begin asking better questions:
- Or is there a lie shaping how I feel and respond?
- What am I believing right now?
- Is this belief aligned with God’s Word?
From Reaction to Response
As you begin to identify and replace lies with truth…
something beautiful happens.
You move from the Unhappy Kid Triangle
to what I call the Happy Kid Triangle:
- Humble & Honest → I can see what’s really going on
- Responsible → I take ownership of my thoughts and actions
- Connected → I stay grounded in truth and relationship
You’re no longer reacting automatically.
You’re responding intentionally.
Questions To Sit With This Week
Take a moment and reflect:
👉 What feels “normal” in my emotional life… that might actually be rooted in a lie?
👉 When I react strongly… what belief is underneath that reaction?
👉 Is there a lie in my right hand?
You’re Not Stuck
Friend…
You are not broken beyond repair.
But you may be living from beliefs that were never meant to define you.
And God, in His kindness…
is not here to shame you.
He is here to gently reveal truth…
so you can walk in freedom.
Ready To Go Deeper?
If this stirred something in you, I want to invite you into deeper healing work.
🎧 Listen to the Full Podcast Episode
If this resonated with you and you want to go deeper into how hidden beliefs shape your emotional responses, patterns, and relationships, I walk through this in a powerful way in this week’s podcast episode:
“When Deception Feels Normal: The Lie You Didn’t Know You Were Living From.”
In the episode, I unpack Isaiah 44 more fully, connect it to the Unhappy Kid Triangle and Happy Kid Triangle, and walk you through real-life examples of how these lies show up in your everyday reactions—especially in your closest relationships.
Take a few minutes to listen below, and let the Lord begin to gently reveal anything you may be holding onto that isn’t truth.
🌿 Renew & Restore Women’s Healing Retreats
Throughout the year, I host Renew & Restore Women’s Healing Retreats in peaceful, restorative settings—from the quiet beauty of the desert in Joshua Tree to the mountains of Tennessee.
These retreats are designed to help you:
- uncover core beliefs
- process emotional wounds
- step off unhealthy patterns
- and experience real transformation through Christ
🤝 Biblical Counseling & Family Coaching
If you’re ready for personalized support, I offer one-on-one sessions where we walk through this work together—gently, prayerfully, and practically. Click here to book a session
🧰 The Happy Kid Toolkit
If you’re looking for a place to start, the Happy Kid Toolkit gives you practical, faith-based tools to:
- identify your patterns
- take thoughts captive
- and move from reaction to response
📥 Free Resources for Your Healing Journey
You can also download free resources to support you:
Final Encouragement
Don’t be afraid to ask the question:
👉 “Is there a lie in my right hand?”
Because on the other side of that question…
is truth.
And where there is truth…
there is freedom.
With love and gratitude,
