This photo was taken at dinner in Lima, Peru—one of those moments where everything slowed down, and I could just be present. No fixing. No figuring things out. No holding everything together. Just joy, laughter, and light. And as I look back at it now, I’m reminded how often I live the opposite way—carrying what was never mine to carry. This post is an invitation to step out of that pressure… and into the kind of peace God has been offering all along.

Have you ever laid in bed at night,
your mind racing…

Replaying conversations.
Trying to solve problems.
Thinking through every possible outcome.

Not because you want to control everything—
but because it feels like you have to.

Because if you don’t…

👉 something might fall apart
👉 someone might get hurt
👉 or everything might feel out of control

So you step in.
You manage.
You carry.

And if you’re honest…

You’re exhausted.

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The Truth About Control (It’s Not What You Think)

Control isn’t usually about power.

It’s about fear.

It’s the quiet belief:

“If I can just get this right… I’ll finally feel safe.”

You’re not trying to dominate your life.
You’re trying to secure it.

But here’s the hard truth:

👉 The things you’re trying to control, were never meant to be your source of security.

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What Psalm 49 Reveals About False Security

In Psalm 49, we’re reminded that people often place their trust in things that feel stable:

– wealth
– success
– what they’ve built
– what they can maintain

But the psalm makes something painfully clear:

👉 None of it can save you
👉 None of it can secure your soul
👉 None of it lasts

You can build it.
You can earn it.
You can try to keep it…

But you cannot anchor your life in it.

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The Truth That Changes Everything

Here’s the truth we have to come back to again and again:

Your security is not in what you can build, earn, or keep—
but in what God redeems.

This is the shift.

Because if your security is in what you can manage…

You will live in anxiety.

But if your security is in God…

You can experience peace—even when life feels uncertain.

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Seven X-Ray Questions to Reveal What You’re Really Trusting

If you’re feeling the need to control everything,
don’t start by trying to “let go.”

Start by getting honest.

Let these questions gently expose what’s happening in your heart:

1. What am I afraid will happen if I lose control here?

2. What outcome am I trying to guarantee?

3. What do I believe I need in order to feel safe?

4. What am I trying to protect? (My image? My comfort? My identity? My sense of peace?)

5. Where am I over-functioning because I don’t trust God to move?

6. What feels like “everything will fall apart” if I let go?

7. Am I trusting God… or trying to manage Him?

Sit with these.

Don’t rush.

This is where transformation begins.

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What Psalm 84 Shows Us Instead

In Psalm 84, we see a completely different posture.

Not striving.
Not controlling.

But longing.

“My soul longs… even faints… for the courts of the Lord.”

The psalmist isn’t trying to secure life.
He’s anchoring himself in God’s presence.

And then comes this powerful truth:

“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”

Better than control.
Better than certainty.
Better than everything going your way.

👉 God Himself is the security your heart is looking for.

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The Core Shift

At the heart of this struggle with control… is a shift in belief.

Not behavior.
Not personality.
Belief.

❌ Old belief (Psalm 49 mindset)

“I am safe because I can manage my life.”

This sounds like:

• If I plan better…
• If I try harder…
• If I stay ahead of everything…

👉 Then I’ll be okay.

But this belief will always lead to:

• anxiety
• pressure
• exhaustion

Because deep down, you know:

You can’t control everything.

✅ New belief (Psalm 84 mindset)

“I am safe because God holds my life.”

This is where peace begins.

Not when life is perfect.
Not when everything works out.

But when your security is no longer tied to your ability to manage it all.

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What Letting Go of Control Actually Looks Like

Letting go is not:

❌ Giving up
❌ Becoming passive
❌ Ignoring responsibility

Letting go is:

✔ Doing your part
✔ Releasing the outcome
✔ Trusting God with what you cannot control

Real Life Examples

Let’s make this practical—because this shows up in everyday life.

1. Money & Provision

Old way (building, earning, keeping):

• “If we lose income, everything will fall apart.”
• Anxiety rises when finances feel uncertain
• You overwork or try to control every detail out of fear

New way (what God redeems):

• “Money can come and go—but God is my provider.”
• You steward wisely, but your peace isn’t tied to numbers
• Even in uncertainty, you trust: God will make a way

👉 You’re not careless—
you’re just no longer controlled by fear.

2. Relationships (Marriage, Kids, Clients)

Old way:

• “If this relationship fails, I’ll be devastated.”
• “I need them to respond, change, or choose me.”
• You over-function (Bossy Helper) or become anxious

New way:

• “I will love, show up, and be faithful… but I don’t control outcomes.”
• “God is the one who redeems hearts—including mine and theirs.”

👉 You begin to release:

• control
• fixing
• emotional dependency

And step into:

• peace
• boundaries
• trust

3. Parenting

Old way:

• “If my child makes bad choices, I’ve failed.”
• You feel panic when they struggle or rebel
• You try to control behavior to secure your identity as a “good mom”

New way:

• “I am called to be faithful, not perfect.”
• “God loves my child even more than I do.”
• “He is writing their story—not me.”

👉 You parent with:

• wisdom
• consistency
• peace

Instead of fear-driven control.

4. Identity & Reputation

Old way:

• “What people think about me matters too much.”
• “If I lose this opportunity or platform, I lose value.”
• You perform, people-please, or shrink

New way:

• “My worth is already secure in Christ.”
• “God defines me—not success, not failure.”

👉 You become:

• more grounded
• more honest
• less reactive

5. When Things Actually Fall Apart

This is where this truth gets tested.

Old belief:

• “This shouldn’t be happening.”
• “Everything is ruined.”
• “I need to fix this NOW.”

New belief:

• “I don’t understand this… but I trust God is not wasting it.”
• “He redeems what I cannot repair.”

And this isn’t theoretical. It makes me think about my own story (Danielle’s story):

• my divorce
• my struggle with an eating disorder as a teen and adolescent
• trauma
• betrayal and injustice from church leadership
• back injury
• chronic migraines

None of this was something I could control, fix, or hold together.

But look at what God has done!!!

👉 He redeemed it into:

• ministry
• compassion
• wisdom
• authority

That is what it means to anchor your security in Him.

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A Quick Heart Check

When your security is in “outcomes”, you will step onto the Unhappy Kid Triangle:

• Helpless Baby → overwhelmed
• Bossy Helper → controlling
• Blaming Bully → reactive

But when your security is in God, you step into the Happy Kid Triangle:

• Responsible
• Honest
• Trusting

👉 That’s where peace lives.

🔺 Unhappy Kid Triangle (False Security)

• Helpless Baby → “I can’t handle this”
• Bossy Helper → “I’ll fix/control everything”
• Blaming Bully → “Someone else ruined my security”

👉 At the root of all three:

We are trying to secure life apart from God.

🔺 Happy Kid Triangle (True Security)

• Happy Kid → “I’ll do my part”
• Caring Friend → “This is hard”
• Respectful Leader → “God is still in this”

👉 All three are rooted in:

Security in God—not in outcomes.

A Simple Way to Remember It

When you feel anxious, pause and ask:

👉 “What am I trying to secure right now?”

Then gently bring yourself back to truth:

👉 “God, You are my security—even here.”

When your security is in what you can build, earn, or keep…

🏠 It’s like building your life on sand.

But when your security is in what God redeems…

🪨 You are standing on the Rock—
even when the storm hits.

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A Simple Prayer to Help You Release Control

Lord…

Show me where I’ve been trying to control what was never mine to carry.

Reveal what I’ve been trusting that cannot truly hold me.

Help me release my grip—not out of fear, but out of trust.

Teach me to rest in You as my security.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Final Word 

You don’t have to hold everything together.

You don’t have to control every outcome.

The peace you’re looking for…

was never found in control.

👉 It’s found in the presence of God.

Listen to the Podcast

If you haven’t yet, you can listen to Episode 104 here:

Ready for Deeper Support?

If this is something you’re walking through right now…

You don’t have to do it alone.

👉 Book a Biblical Counseling or Family Coaching session

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With hope and gratitude,