(Episode 91 Companion Blog)

A few weeks ago, my family and I stood outside a tiny Italian restaurant in NoHo, New York City—Emilio’s Ballato.

No reservations.
Twelve tables inside.
Freezing cold.
And a line of people who weren’t sure it would be worth the wait.

Several people left.

But we stayed.

Inside, the walls were covered with old family photos—generations of people who had gathered, eaten, celebrated, and returned again and again. Families who didn’t rush. Families who stayed.

And when we finally sat down, it was hands down some of the best Italian food I’ve ever had.

Totally worth the wait.

Standing there, I couldn’t help but think about how different that experience was from the way we often approach family life and personal growth today.

We want quick fixes.
Fast results.
Immediate change.

But the most meaningful transformation—like the best meals and the strongest families—takes time.

Before you hit play on the episode below, I want to start here:

Most families don’t drift into dysfunction because they don’t love each other.

They drift because unexamined thoughts quietly shape everyday reactions.

The tone of your home.
The way conflict escalates—or shuts down.
How emotions are welcomed… or avoided.
How authority feels—safe or tense.
How connection is built—or slowly eroded.

All of it flows downstream from what is happening in the mind.

That’s why Romans 12:2 isn’t just a personal growth verse.
It’s a family transformation verse.

“Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Notice what Scripture doesn’t say.

It doesn’t say:

• fix your kids
• try harder
• get more disciplined
• control outcomes

It says: be transformed.

And transformation always begins internally—
long before it ever shows up externally.

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Start Here: Listen While You Read

Before we go further, you’ll see the Episode 91 podcast player embedded right here on the bottom of this page.

You can press play and listen as you read…
or listen first and come back to this reflection afterward.

There’s no right order.
Just an invitation to slow down and let truth settle.

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Why Families Stay Stuck (Even When They Love God)

Many Christian families love Jesus deeply
and still feel exhausted, reactive, or disconnected.

If that’s you, let me say this clearly:

👉 You are not failing.
👉 You are not broken.
👉 You are not behind.

Faithfulness alone does not automatically renew the mind.

Most of us were shaped—often unintentionally—by patterns like:

• fear-based parenting
• conflict avoidance
• performance-driven love
• emotional suppression
• people-pleasing
• control disguised as responsibility

Those patterns didn’t disappear the moment we met Jesus.

They must be noticed, named, and gently replaced.

That’s the work of renewing the mind.

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Renewing the Mind Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait

Some people assume emotional maturity is something you either have or don’t have.

Scripture teaches something different.

Renewing the mind is:

• a practice
• a skill
• a daily discipleship rhythm

It’s not about getting it right every time.
It’s about learning to pause, notice, and choose truth—again and again.

In fact, families experience the most growth
not when everything is calm…
but when emotions are activated and there’s an opportunity to respond differently.

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A Simpler Way to Understand Renewing the Mind

Here’s a framework I return to often with families:

Thoughts → Emotions → Reactions → Patterns → Family Culture

If you want a different culture in your home,
you don’t start with control.

You start with clarity.

And clarity begins by slowing down long enough to notice what’s happening inside.

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The Renewing the Mind Reflection Pathway

(Return to this as often as you need)

This isn’t a worksheet you complete once.
It’s a pathway you come back to—over and over.

You can walk through this:

• on your own
• with your spouse
• with a child or teen
• in the middle of a hard moment
• or later, once emotions have settled

Step 1: Notice the Moment

Something happened.
A reaction surfaced.
A tone shifted.
An emotion surged.

Pause and write in the blank spaces below:

The situation that triggered me was…

Step 2: Name the Thought (Not the Behavior)

Behavior is what we see.
Thoughts are what drive it.

Ask gently—not judgmentally:

The thought running through my mind was…
(Examples: “This shouldn’t be happening.” “I’m failing.” “I have to fix this right now.”)

Step 3: Identify the Lie (or Half-Truth)

Not every thought is a lie—
but many are misaligned with truth.

The lie or distorted belief underneath this thought might be…

Step 4: Name the Emotion Attached to It

Emotions are not the enemy.
They are signals.

The emotion I felt most strongly was…
(If you’re unsure, start with: anger, fear, sadness, shame, anxiety, or overwhelm.)

Step 5: Replace with God’s Truth

Truth does not shame.
Truth brings clarity, safety, and direction.

Ask:

• What does God say about this?
• What is true even if this feels hard?
• What aligns with Scripture and wisdom?

God’s truth for this moment is…

Step 6: Choose a New Response

Renewing the mind always leads somewhere.

Not perfection.
But alignment.

A response aligned with truth would look like…

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Why This Changes Families Over Time

When this process becomes familiar—not forced, not rushed—

• parents grow calmer and more confident
• kids learn emotional responsibility instead of blame
• conflict becomes a place of growth, not fear
• shame loosens its grip
• connection replaces control

Children raised in this environment don’t just learn what to believe.

They learn how to think.

And that may be one of the greatest gifts we can pass down.

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A Gentle Word If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

You will not renew your mind perfectly.

You don’t need to.

The goal is not mastery.
The goal is movement.

One pause.
One honest reflection.
One truth replacing a lie.

That’s how transformation happens.
That’s how families heal.
That’s how legacy is built.

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Ready for Deeper Support?

If this resonates and you’re longing for hands-on guidance, you’re not meant to do this alone.

Here are a few ways I can walk with you:

The Happy Kid Toolkit

A practical, faith-based tool that helps kids, teens, and adults learn emotional responsibility, healthy communication, and truth-based thinking.

Renew & Restore Women’s Retreat — February

A sacred space to slow down, heal, and renew your mind and heart alongside other women who are ready for deeper transformation.

Each of these resources exists for the same reason:
to help you move from surviving to renewed.

Have you ever had that moment where you catch yourself sounding just like your mom or dad… and you think, “Oh no, I’ve officially because my parents”? 

(Yeah, we’ve all been there…) 

The truth is, generational patterns are real. They’re like invisible “scripts” passed down through families. Sometimes those scripts are healthy—faith, kindness, resilience. But often, they’re not: addiction, perfectionism, people-pleasing, compliance, control, shame, anger, avoidance, or codependency. 

And science actually backs this up. Studies in epigenetics show that trauma and stress can alter gene expression and get passed down to children and grandchildren. Brain science confirms that repeated behaviors and thought patterns literally carve pathways in the brain—so what feels “normal” in one generation often becomes the starting point for the next. 

But here’s the good news: what science calls “neuroplasticity,” the Bible calls renewing your mind (Romans 12:2). We are not doomed to repeat the past. With Christ, you can be the one who says, “The cycle stops here.” 

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A Final Word 

If you take nothing else from this, take this with you:

You are not failing because this feels hard.

You are learning how to slow down, notice what’s happening inside, and choose truth in moments that once felt automatic. That alone is evidence of growth.

Renewing the mind doesn’t happen in a single breakthrough moment.
It happens in ordinary, often messy moments—when you pause instead of react… when you tell the truth instead of defaulting to fear… when you choose curiosity over control.

God is not rushing you.
He is not disappointed in the process.
He is present in it.

One renewed thought at a time is enough.

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Listen to Episode 91 Below

Right below this post, you’ll find the audio player for Episode 91 of The Happy Family Coach Podcast.

You can press play and listen right here—whether you’re folding laundry, driving carpool, or sitting quietly with a cup of coffee.

Let the conversation meet you where you are, and come back to this page anytime you want to walk through the reflection process again.

You don’t need to do this perfectly.
You just need to keep returning to truth.

I’m so glad you’re here.

With hope and gratitude